The Shift Away From Doing What’s Expected: Leadership Lessons from Asia
- Cory McGowan
- 3 days ago
- 3 min read
When he said the words “this feels like being a good boy,” I felt the truth of it land in my own body.
We were sitting together, looking at a simple framework I often use with leaders: objective, measurement, vision. On the surface, it was straightforward. Define the goal, decide how you’ll know when you’ve reached it, and paint a picture of what success looks like.
But his energy was flat. No spark, no excitement. When I asked him about it, he admitted he was used to doing this kind of thing at work. For him, it meant filling out the right boxes in the right way, so his boss would be satisfied. It was about being the good boy. Doing what was expected.
That phrase stuck with me. Because I know it well.
I spent most of my school years as a very good boy. I knew how to play the game: do the homework, ace the tests, get the praise. And I did. I graduated with excellent grades, and got a lot of praise from my teachers. But the cost of doing what was expected was that very little of the learning actually stayed with me. I had mastered compliance, not curiosity.
That same pattern shows up in so many leaders I work with across Asia. Especially in Japan, where success is often measured by how well you follow what is expected — not by how much of yourself you bring forward. Leaders rise by being reliable, diligent, and predictable. It works, to a point. But at what cost?
This leader could feel it. Filling out the framework the “right” way would deliver a neat plan, but it wouldn’t light him up. It wouldn’t inspire his team. And it certainly wouldn’t connect to the deeper reasons he chose to lead in the first place.
In that moment, he realized another kind of leadership was possible — one that wasn’t about being the good boy. A shift away from doing what's expected that was riskier, more vulnerable, maybe even intimidating. But also more alive.
I don’t think he’s alone. Many leaders — perhaps you, too — have built careers on doing what’s expected. On playing the role of the good boy or good girl. And in some ways, it has worked. It’s brought respect, stability, maybe even prestige.
But here’s the truth: doing more of what’s expected isn’t enough anymore. Not for our teams, not for our organizations, and not for the world.
We are living in a time of extraordinary complexity and uncertainty. Playing it safe, following the script, and waiting for permission are not the moves that will solve the challenges we face. If anything, they get in the way.
Real change has always come from the few who were willing to step outside of “good boy/girl” leadership. The ones who risked being seen as different, even disruptive. This is your opportunity to be part of that small group — to bring forward the energy, vision, and courage that others are waiting to follow.
Here’s a simple practice to begin noticing: the next time you catch yourself making a decision, pause and ask — am I doing this because it’s expected, or because it’s true for me?
Start there. Even a single choice made from authenticity rather than compliance can shift the energy of a room. And those shifts add up. They create momentum. They ignite movements.
Leadership in Asia doesn’t have to mean just following the script. There’s a different experience available — one that is more alive, more impactful, and urgently needed.
What part of yourself is the world waiting for you to bring forward?
If you’re curious about what that might look like, I invite you to book a Spark Session with me. It’s a simple first step — a focused conversation to explore where you might be leading from expectation instead of authenticity, and what could open up if you chose differently.
Comments